What if healing from heartbreak didn't require pushing yourself to feel all that pain at once—but instead began by creating enough safety to turn toward it?

I’m glad to hear that last week’s newsletter “Been Ghosted? When Searching for Answers Doesn’t Bring Relief” brought some clarity and support. I also received a few questions about how to navigate the heartbreak that comes after a relationship ends—whether there’s been ghosting or not. Glad I was asked, and I have some thoughts.

Recently, I was watching an interview where a relationship expert said something along the lines of, “You need to sit in heartbreak. You need to feel it and grieve it.” I bristled. I understand where he was coming from, but I disagree with that full-on, white-knuckle-it approach.

For many of us just the idea of turning towards heartbreak can feel overwhelming, let alone actually doing it. We may worry that feeling heartbreak could expose us to greater risk and harm—as though we’d be caught in a riptide, pulled out and dragged under.

So instead, we find ourselves staying busy. We distract ourselves. We keep moving. There may be a part of you that would rather you stay busy and distracted than risk feeling something it feels could wipe you out.

Those strategies are there and in play for a good reason. They’re trying to keep you safe, because it often feels like we only have two not-so-good options:

1. Turn towards heartbreak and drown

2. Push it away and feel driven to distraction

Neither option brings relief.

Thankfully, there’s a third option. Being with heartbreak in a safe, gentle and trauma-informed way, so you can have your experience without getting overwhelmed—without adding to your pain and suffering.

If what I’m sharing resonates with you, then you may be interested in this week’s guided exercise. I’ll invite you to turn towards your experience of heartbreak in a specific way that includes incremental steps, so you feel safe enough to be with your experience just as it is. No dimming it down, lightening it, or softening it.

For example, rather than assuming I know what’s best for you, I’ll invite you to sense if it feels okay to be with heartbreak. Because maybe there’s an inner hesitation or nervous caution. Or perhaps there’s a very clear “No.” If so, that’s what needs your company first.

We never want to push past what I call our body's knowing no. That knowing no isn't a problem to overcome or an obstacle to push aside. It's your body's wisdom, and it's there to protect you. By honoring it, rather than overriding it, you create the inner safety that’s needed so you can be with heartbreak without getting overwhelmed.

A few months ago, a client asked me how this process has helped me. I paused and checked in with my body instead of reflexively responding with a pre-packaged response. And, I was amazed by the words that came:

“I can be with heartbreak without breaking. I can be with something hard without hardening.”

Watch the guided somatic exercise

While this exercise may be helpful, healing is rarely a one-and-done process. If you're wanting more individualized support on how to be with heartbreak or some other kind of struggle or stuckness, click the button below to schedule a free, no-obligation chat. I’d be happy to chat with you.

Here’s to living fully in these hard times,

Lauren

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