We’re told to turn toward what’s challenging and hard. But what if your resistance to doing so isn’t avoidance — it’s protection?

In last week’s newsletter I wrote:

Maybe there’s something hard you don’t even want to face, yet it lingers—like it won’t let go of you. Even not wanting to turn toward something can be a starting place for a session.

I received a number of emails with questions about that, so I thought let’s unpack that a bit more in this week’s newsletter. This topic lights me up because it points to something essential about my approach — and how it differs from many others.

From my perspective, we start where we are. Yes, there’s that whole situation—what happened (or didn’t happen). And that experience lands somewhere within. You might notice it in a variety of ways:

• a clenching in your jaw or sloshing nausea in your stomach

• racing or repetitive thoughts

• an urge to lash out, to run to scream

Those experiences aren’t just uncomfortable — they can feel like too much on top of what already felt like too much. So, of course, you don’t want to turn towards the situation. Of course you want to push away what happened — and the reactions that have popped up as a result.

In these charged moments, it can feel like we only have two options, and neither brings relief:

1. Turns towards that situation and get swept away in it.

2. Avoid it — and feel haunted by it.

But, there’s a third option. We can gently turn toward that inner hesitation — that not-wanting-to-go-there feeling. That inner hesitation — what I call your knowing no — is on your side. It may feel like it’s in your way, but it isn’t there to hold you back. It’s not an obstacle to brush aside or push through.

That knowing no is your body’s wisdom speaking to you. It’s letting you know you’re already carrying so much. You may be at capacity. Feeling more right now could tip you into overwhelm. So, it’s there to protect you.

Yes, turning towards the feeling of too much in a Focusing way can bring relief. But that relief can’t come from pushing past your inner, knowing no. Pushing past it would only create more stress and tension— the very thing you want less of, not more of.

If what I’m sharing resonates with you then, you might be interested in a guided exercise I’ve just created. This video is part one of a 2-part series.

Since many of us are already feeling too much, I created this video to help you be with that feeling of too much, so you can experience more steadiness, clarity and ease.

And, often the first step in turning towards what feels like too much, is being with that part of you or place in you that doesn’t want to go there — that knowing no.

Click here for the guided exercise.

Here’s to living fully in these hard times!

Lauren

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