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Have you ever found yourself saying, “My back is killing me” or “I hate this ache”? Language can have a funny way of shaping our experience and, in this case, intensifying it. Let me explain… When we’re experiencing discomfort, our bodies naturally tense up. And yet, can you feel how the phrase “my ____ is killing me” can intensify that tension and even pit us against ourselves? It can feel like the pain is an enemy—something to fight against and kill off. And, of course, that makes sense. We don’t want to be in pain. And yet all that fighting against and enemizing (did I just create a word?) can intensify our suffering. We can find ourselves stuck in an feedback loop—feeling pain, fighting against it, pain increasing, worries increasing, pain intensifying … So, how can we both honor the truth of our experience without causing ourselves more stress? I’ll start with a story. About a year ago, I was sitting with some nerve pain—that raw, burning sensation. I hated it. I wanted it to go away. I was scared. So, I practiced what I teach. I sensed that area freshly and allowed a description to come from it. When I checked those words back with that place to see if they fit what came was, “I’m not trying to hurt you. I’m hurting too.”
Well, that was a game changer! My relationship to this place entirely shifted. I was able to be with it similar to how I would be with an injured animal or an upset child. And, as I began to relax, it began to soften. Some of us may be tending to an injury while others may be navigating more ongoing pain. In either case, it’s quite remarkable the shifts that can come when we’re with what’s hurting in a gentle, I’m-here-with-you-now kind of way. Doing so creates the very conditions your body needs to heal. I’ve also learned, through my own experiences as well as supporting clients with theirs, that when it comes to ongoing pain (especially when it’s inexplicable or “random”) there’s often more to it. As I help clients turn towards that ache or pain, more comes—memories, buried bits of experiences and unfelt feelings. Something that’s been waiting and wanting to be met, felt and understood. It’s quite a paradox, but mixed in with that ongoing pain is often a treasure—something that can help you live more fully and authentically. I’ve seen clients struggling with pain go from feeling resigned and deflated to exercising agency and becoming more assertive. Clients are able to listen to their bodies and stay true themselves as they navigate their healing process. They can meet with doctors and healing professionals, listen to their recommendations and then check those recommendations back with their body to see if that fits and feels right. Maybe it does or maybe that appointment brings a next step of a different, unexpected kind. In this week’s guided exercise, I offer a taste of how you can be with any aches, strains or pain in a way that may bring about relief. It’s not a quick fix. It’s a starting place that invites you to be with a place that’s hurting and, maybe, something that’s worried it won’t ever go away. By being with both, you may begin to experience some relief without needing anything to change or be different from how it is.
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