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Growing up, I loved to read and yet I hated being told what to read. Somehow, someway my love of learning survived my high school years. There was one assigned book, however, that I fell in love with ... The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald. The last line of that book gave language to something I often felt and worried about. “So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
Back then and even into my 20s and early 30s, I felt my past was simply inescapable. As much as I tried to move forward, I felt the continuous undertow of the past pulling me back. I often wondered, Will I ever feel free? Will I always feel like this? I had worked with numerous healing professionals, read about nervous system regulation, attachment theory and more, which was helpful and connected some dots but ... I still felt stuck. Learning more didn't translate into living differently and feeling better. I still felt that heavy, despairing stuckness. Thankfully, during my Somatic Experiencing Practitioner training, I was introduced to Inner Relationship Focusing (IRF). IRF’s gentle and empowering process enabled me to come back to myself and reconnect with my inner knowing. And, I'd like to share with you one of many insights that emerged during this time ... For those of us with a history of developmental trauma, we may have learned that what felt right to do was actually the wrong thing to do ... and what felt wrong to do was actually the right thing to do. It’s confusing isn’t it? For example, we may have wanted to speak up but we knew that doing so posed a risk, so we learned it was safer to stay quiet and go unheard. This is why trying to trust our inner knowing in the here-and-now can bring about feelings of uncertainty, confusion or a kind of inner fog. Back then ... what felt right to do ... could have gotten us in trouble, so we adapted. We learned to NOT trust our gut ... or to override our inner knowing ... because doing so kept us safer and more connected to our primary caretaker(s). Notice if what I just said resonates with you. If you're tired of past experiences - a mix of what did and didn't happen - continuing to shape and direct your life, then you may be interested in my upcoming, 6-week online course: Coming Back to You: Combining Somatic Experiencing & Inner Relationship Focusing to Help Heal Developmental Trauma. CLICK HERE to learn more about this course and how to register. It is possible to have your past without feeling caught up in it! Not sure if this course is right for you? Let’s chat and see. Click the button below to schedule a free, no-obligation call with me and I look forward to answering any questions you have.
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