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Some of the questions and comments I received in response to my last newsletter were about how hard it is to be with someone who is suffering. To watch what they're going through without being able to take away their burden or restore their health. I totally agree! It's tough to feel powerless and yet there is something we can do ...
After listening to someone share how hard it's been, it may be tempting to fill that awkward, I-don't-know-what-to-do-or-say silence with encouragement like “It’ll get better” or “Just think about all that is going well for you." But do you notice how those well-intended comments land in a dismissive way? It's like saying to someone who's really upset, "Take a calming breath." Yes, that's happened to me and ... you know what ... that only amped up my anger and made me feel even worse. If that person had said, "Uy. I totally get how frustrating that is," then I have a feeling a deeper breath would have come about ... naturally. When I'm struggling with something, what I really want is to feel seen, heard and understood. I don't want to be talked out of how I'm feeling. I want someone to get how I'm feeling. And, if I need help or guidance then I'll ask for it. I recently saw a quote that said, "Don't give a lecture to someone who needs a hug." I love that! And, there are many ways we can offer hugs. Of course, we can do so physically AND we can also use our words. I've placed below some phrases I've heard myself offering my husband as he continues to navigate all kinds of health issues. Perhaps, you'll find one or two phrases that you'd like to take with you and try out at the appropriate time: "Uy. That’s a lot." "That sounds hard." “This is so hard." "That’s a heavy load you’ve been carrying." "It’s so hard to not know. I get it." "You've been put through so much." "I get how hard this is for you and ... I am here with you." "Of course, you're feeling angry. Of course!" "Is there something I can do to help?"
If you do offer someone one of those phrases or something like one of the phrases, then you might notice how it's received…and ... you might even notice how you feel after offering it. Sometimes doing less is actually ... doing more. If you’d like some support to help you hold what you’re going through, please reach out. Click the button below to schedule a session or a free, no-obligation call. I’m happy to answer any questions you have.
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