Lauren Taub Cohen, M.S. Ed., SEP
Many people ask me how I’ve come to do this work and why I combine Somatic Experiencing® and Inner Relationship Focusing. So here’s my story…
In the fall of 2006, I put on a pair of running shoes and felt a pebble in my shoe. However, what I was feeling wasn’t a pebble. After visiting doctors and getting scans, it was confirmed that my cuboid bone in my left food had mysteriously slipped out of place.
Around this time, I had just left my job at 60 Minutes to become a teacher. And, my parents were going through a divorce as my husband and I were planning our wedding. You could say there was just a bit going on.
I spent a significant amount of time and money speaking with top orthopedic surgeons in NYC. And, they all suggested the same course of action—bolt the bone back into place using nine steel rods.
Thankfully, as I was navigating all this, I was introduced to Tara Brach’s book Radical Acceptance, which helped me realize that perhaps the Cuboid Crisis (as I labeled it) was a portal through which I could begin to explore my traumatic history and troubled past.
So, I sought help from a therapist while maintaining my meditation practice. It was a tumultuous 2.5 years but weeks before I got married my cuboid bone slipped back into place as mysteriously as it slipped out of place. I was exhilarated and relieved!
This remarkable experience left me in awe and wondering— how could this have happened? How could a bone slip back into place at the perfect angle without any kind of surgical intervention or physical therapy?
I wanted answers, so life gave them to me the hard way— through experience.
As a teacher, I was passionate about helping students cultivate self-awareness and resilience through the everyday stressors, conflicts and delights that come with learning.
In the classroom, I was giving, over-giving and then … burning out. I ignored my body’s whispers of “this is too much.” The health issues began piling up; my body’s whispers became shouts.
And the tipping point came when, after sharing something painful, a strange egg-like mass suddenly protruded from my throat. It wasn’t there prior to the call but it was there after the call.
I was sent to a chief thoracic surgeon at a world renown hospital who was completely baffled by this strange occurrence. He told me my thyroid needed to be removed, which meant my voice could be impacted. Since this physical symptom came about immediately after voicing some hard truths, I became curious.
Might there be a connection between speaking up and my body reacting to that? My condition wasn’t life threatening, so I knew what I had to do before agreeing to surgery. The therapist I had worked with during the Cuboid Crisis suggested I work with a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner.
So, I began working with a Somatic Experiencing® Practitioner (SEP) to help my body heal.
Not only did SE help my thyroid heal, but I was also able to avoid that invasive surgical procedure. The protuberance disappeared, my hair stopped falling out, my digestive system began functioning, and I finally felt more energized.The heavy fog had lifted and that fun-spirited vitality returned!
During that time, I also explored this persistent pattern of meeting every request with a friendly, reflexive “yes,” even when I knew something didn’t fit or feel right. The desire to be liked and stay connected often came at a great price — abandoning myself.
SE helped me realize how this pattern was just one of many adaptive strategies I developed in childhood as a way of trying to keep the peace, stay safe and receive affection. The combination of these experiences inspired me to enroll in the Somatic Experiencing Practitioner training. During that time I was also introduced to Inner Relationship Focusing.
Inner Relationship Focusing (IRF) was the missing link because, despite all the learning and healing with SE, I still hadn’t shifted my behavior. I still kept pleasing and appeasing, except now I started to beat myself up for doing so!
Inner Relationship Focusing’s gentle and empowering process helped me untangle that people-pleasing pattern.
What once seemed un-shiftable had finally begun to shift! If something doesn’t feel right, then I don’t do it—I don’t push myself forward or guilt myself into action. I’m able to stay true to myself, even amidst criticism or pushback. Talk about calm strength and steady ease!
Of course, it’s great to feel understood, but I don’t need it the way I once did. If someone gets me, great. If they don’t, that’s okay too. There’s this new attitude of “I’ve got me,” which feels so empowering, energizing and freeing. Gone are the days of beating myself up and putting myself down.
These invigorating, beyond-what-I-thought-possible shifts inspired me to become a Certified IRF Professional and Trainer. No more career changes— this is what I am meant to be doing!
Now I love helping clients go from feeling anxious, unsure and overwhelmed to living with more clarity, confidence and ease. It’s a joy to help them learn to fully trust themselves, so they can do more of what lights them up and brings them joy!
And, because of my SE training, I bring a unique trauma-informed approach to facilitating Inner Relationship Focusing sessions. As for me, I continue leaning into the steadying support of SE and IRF because, as a friend recently put it, "Life keeps life-ing.” It's not about getting rid of how we feel, fixing it, or changing it, but rather being with our experience, just as it is, so it can shift naturally and we can move forward.
Over the years, I’ve discovered this amazing truth and that is —
What's in the way, guides the way.
The experience of having a problem is actually your body’s way of communicating something is missing and something is needed so you can live more fully and be more authentically YOU.
Most approaches treat what’s “in the way” as a problem to be fixed, solved or gotten rid of. From my perspective, that’s like killing the messenger. You’ll feel even more stuck.
What I do is different. I’ll help you learn to be with those uncomfortable feelings, so you can experience shifts and feel more ease in your very first session.
And, over time, those shifts add up to real, lasting change!
If what you’ve tried hasn’t led to lasting change or you still feel stuck, let’s chat!
Schedule a free, no-obligation 20-minute call and we can discuss if what I offer would be a good fit for you.
